Pure Joy

James 1:2-4  Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Oh, James. Why?  Why trials for joy?  How about blessings?  or abundance?  or puppies? 

I get the second half of the verse but the first can be a tough pill to swallow... but then I realized that I am at my closest to our Heavenly Father when I am facing trials.  That is when I run to Him and ask His will, when I seek Him first and leave my agenda in the dust behind me.  Last year I asked God to guide me through the journey of digging up my past to share my testimony with a small group and during the process He led me to this verse.  I was deeply mired in the mucky memory of a long list of bad decisions I'd made in my past when He showed me that I could insert joy into my hindsight. It was actually true, my trials had taught me things and revealed parts of me I didn't know I had... looking at my past highlighted the joy in my present. The big picture realization here is that God rescued and redeemed me; the litany of trials in my past compared to the joy I currently feel make His renewing of my soul even more extraordinary.

At the same time I was gathering my past into a tidy 90 minutes I was going through classes at church to become more involved in the church itself.  During the Spiritual Gift class I uncovered the grace gifts God had given to me: Shepherding, Exhortation and Mercy.  I studied these gifts and the verses that speak about them in order to determine God's plan for me... I felt strongly that I needed to work through James 1:2-4 before I became a shepherd of God's people.  As I worked through my past and prayed for God's hand in my future I realized I felt called to minister to women in small groups -- specifically in a supportive and encouraging manner. Well, God did something wonderful, He made the way for me to start my own small group through our church... which I call "Pure Joy".  

As is typical, I now see what God was doing all of those years in my past.  He was giving me experiences that would make me relate-able, giving me the knowledge that true strength comes solely from Him, giving me the perspective of a flawed and broken human who has been rescued... but most of all, giving me a faith that is WONDERFUL.  I love His promise in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

Mo is TWO YEARS OLD!!!!!

 

Morrison Christopher Hugo Tuck 

 

 

Mo turns  T W O  Y E A R S  O L D  tomorrow!  He is a tiny baby and an old man all at once to me.  He will hurt himself and run to me and ask me to kiss it and then a minute later we call him "Morrison" and he says "Morris!".  He prefers to be called Morris over Morrison... how did he figure that out?  I still call him Mo but mostly it is Baby Bear or Sugar Punkin or Bubba because I don't know how long he'll let me call him those ridiculous names. 

 

When I became pregnant people started telling me "it goes soooo fast, just try to enjoy every moment.  Before you know it your baby will be off to college."  And I tell you, these past two years have flown by like crazy.  I can see what they are saying.  On one hand it seems like it was yesterday we brought Mo home from the hospital and on the other hand it seems as though we've know him forever.

 

I wasn't always sure I would want to be a mother... when I was younger it didn't sound like something I wanted to do... it was messy, monopolizing and too much responsibility.  I think that falling in love with Nate just made parenting a natural thing to do - I wanted to multiply this love we had and I knew Nate would be an amazing father. I wish we could have five or six kids but for now our one boy and three dogs will have to do. 

 

What really surprises me is that parenting is a totally separate joy from marriage... I thought it was a Family Package Deal and completely was taken aback by how different the two are.  Of course, they overlap and I won't imagine my life parenting without my husband but WOW, the joy I get from mothering is waaaaaaaay unlike wife-ing.  Mo glows from the inside out and sometimes that glow is actually aimed at me and it makes me feel like I'm connecting with a tiny creature that judges on such a visceral level. It is a type of acceptance I didn't even know I wanted.

The responsibility of parenting has rocked my world.  It is far harder and better than I imagined. Some days I am happy I kept him alive and other days I obsess over the minutia of our day and every response I gave him and how 88 percent of them were incorrect and damaging. Every single night before bed I pray for grace for myself in my parenting and pray that I extend grace to my sweet little "parentee".  I love Ephesians 6:4 which says "don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.  Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master."  I truly think of this daily and it feels right, even when parenting a two-year-old. 

 

Each of these 730 days with Mo has been a blessing, a gift, a humbling adventure and in a word: WONDERFUL. 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spectacular Love Story

I wasn't exaggerating when I said my love story was spectacular... it is a story that shows LOVE will find a way even if you throw some sass in its face, erect some roadblocks and run in the opposite direction.  If it is God's plan for you to love a specific someone, good luck getting out of that one. 

Nate and I met the first day of 10th grade... we spotted each other while I was on the payphone calling my mom and he was walking by.  Nate then walked by a couple more times checking me out.  Truth be told, I was looking pretty good (1990's good!) in my plaid shorts, button-down blouse and loafers.  We ended up going to a few high school dances, seeing some bad movies at the drive-in and spending hours in his basement listening to Santana, Counting Crows and U2.  We crushed on each other for most of high school and part of college but never really tried dating exclusively until our junior year at CSU.  From age 15 to 20 we spent many excruciating hours sitting next to each other, hearts pounding, nervous gas-bloat building in our stomachs, unable to even hold hands.  It was as if we KNEW it was too special to take lightly. At 20 we dated for a while and even talked eventual marriage but ultimately I wanted more adventure, more edge, more BAD BOY.  I moved to Seattle and found the edge and the bad girl in myself.  Nate and I didn't talk for years at a time but would connect over the phone randomly here and there.  My mom would always be asking "how is Nate?" "why don't you talk to Nate?" "Nate is the nicest boy you've ever known, do you think he's single?"...

Nate wasn't single and neither was I, we were both in long-term relationships with people we had settled with for one reason or another.  When I was 30 I moved from Seattle to Austin to get away from my someone and unbeknownst to me Nate had moved to Houston to get away from his someone.  This wouldn't be THAT weird except that growing up in Colorado you are raised to believe Texas is THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH you would ever want to live.  I actually loved Austin and adored being single.  I had just decided that being alone WAS my destiny and that was more than A-OK with me.  Of course, that's just when love falls in your lap.  In 2007 Nate and I found each other in Texas in January, were engaged in April and married in August.  It didn't feel rushed or crazy or impulsive... it felt RIGHT and PERFECT and BLESSED! 

Our wedding was insanely amazing and special.  We were married in my parents backyard and didn't follow the wedding industry's insistence that you need every little bell and whistle to have an appropriate wedding... we did what FELT right, what honored our families and what was true to our story -- nothing extra, nothing frilly and nothing forced or fancy.  The thing is, people STILL tell me it was the neatest wedding they'd ever been to... that it transported them to another place... that it inspired LOVE!  I have to watch the wedding video a few times every year just to be sure it wasn't all a dream.

Our love story is still evolving and growing every day... we've known each other for 22 years but I still feel like I'm 15 years old around him sometimes.  He is hilarious and kind and handsome, he is warm and hard-working and protective... he loves our son more than I could have dreamed and he treats my parents with respect. He is the quintessential husband that makes sure his family is provided for and he is genuine and trustworthy.  I do believe God showed me undeserved grace when he gave me my WONDERFUL, my Nate. 

Senior prom 1994

Welcome!

I have seen the WONDERFUL, the lovely, the pure and the genuine.  With a happy childhood, a colorful coming-of-age, a really spectacular love story and the birth of our baby boy... I have seen the wonderful.  My heart has been stretched to love more people more deeply than I knew possible.  My soul has been stretched to embrace a belief in things unseen.  Sometimes there's pain in the "stretch" but it is worth it and it has a purpose.  I can't help but want to share. 

I am starting this blog to reflect where I am at this point in my life... a journal of sorts... a record of wonderful things.  I am a broken mess being remade by my relationship with a merciful God.  My amazing little family of three support me with grace and abandon.  My family of origin support me far more than I deserve with what I've put them through.  I am even accumulating a community of woman that empower and embolden me in the most positive ways.  I am truly blessed from all sides. I have asked God to show me the wonderful... and He has.